


The Adventures of Beetlebug

by caterinawrites



Series: Crackmas [12]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 12 days of crackmas, F/M, Gen, Kwami Swap, Ladybug!Nino, marinette is a genius, nino is so done with everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13005444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caterinawrites/pseuds/caterinawrites
Summary: When Marinette gets her appendix out, it's up to Nino to take her place as Ladybug.





	The Adventures of Beetlebug

Day 2: Kwami Swap

While akuma attacks were never what Ladybug and Chat Noir would consider “convenient,” they still usually managed to escape whatever obligations that bound them in order to perform their hero duties. Or rather, that was the case _most_ of the time, but given the frequency with which akumas popped up and the intricacies of being a human teenager, there was bound to be a time when an inescapable event arose that would prevent one of our heroes from making an appearance.

Today, as it turned out, was that very day, and it all began when Marinette woke up with severe pain in her right side…

“Tom, we have to take her to the emergency room,” Sabine was saying as she pressed a hand over Marinette’s forehead. The ailing girl in question sat on the steps in her pajamas, doubled over in pain with a grimace.

“Okay, you go, and I’ll handle the customers and close down then be there as soon as I can,” Tom said with a nod, stooping down to kiss her on the cheek. He cast Marinette a worried glance, brushing her cheek with his finger gently. “Hang in there, sweetie.”

“I’ll call a cab. I don’t think you can handle the metro,” Sabine said with a sigh, pulling her phone from her pocket and dialing a cab service. Marinette whimpered in pain, so Sabine sat beside her and rubbed her shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright.”

One trip to the emergency room later, and Marinette found herself in a thin hospital gown on her way to the OR. Turns out even superheroes could suffer a ruptured appendix, though akumas were the furthest thing from her mind as the anesthesiologist injected her with the most delightfully pain-numbing substance she’d ever received, and before Marinette could count back to 97, her world went black.

Meanwhile, her friends and adoring teen-model boyfriend weren’t surprised in the least bit when Marinette wasn’t present for home room as she was notorious for oversleeping, and they had no reason to suspect anything different on that day. Marinette was Marinette, and it was likely that she’d turn up eventually, sneaking in with only half of her hair combed or breakfast crumbs still stuck to the corners of her mouth from where she inhaled her croissant on the way up the stairs to the classroom.

Adrien did raise a brow when an akuma alert when off during Mlle. Bustier’s lecture, and his partner remained nowhere in sight. It wasn’t like her to be this late, but he trusted that she’d show up in time. She never missed an akuma battle.

“Go, we’ll cover you,” Alya grunted under her breath, and Adrien nodded.

In a few short minutes, Chat Noir arrived at the scene, flipping up his phone to call Ladybug, but it didn’t go through, a telltale sign that she wasn’t Ladybug right now. Pursing his lips, he slid the phone shut with a snap and extended his staff in a preparatory stance. Looks like he was going to have to stall until she got there.

“I am Janitor, and I’m going to rid Paris of its pests once and for all!” The villain declared.

“Yikes, if I were you, I’d throw that job in the garbage,” Chat shot back with a teasing lilt.

Stalling proved to be a little harder than he thought, and he soon found himself tangled in a toilet-paper web until a familiar yellow and black striped spin top sliced through the wrapping, and he wiggled free.

“Thanks,” Chat breathed a sigh of relief as Rena Rouge helped him up, and Queen Bee fastened her trompo back to her waist.

“Where is Ladybug?” Bee asked with a grunt. “It’s not like her to be this late.”

“Yeah, we weren’t gonna get involved, but you clearly needed help,” Rena said.

“Don’t know. She’s not answering, and I’m starting to get a little worried,” Chat replied with a wince.

“Alright, I’m on it, you two deal with that guy.” Rena pointed to Janitor and began dialing on her flute-phone.

“Ah, Queen Bee! Good thing I brought my insect repellant!”

While they handled that, Rena tapped her fingers on her side impatiently as the phone rang. If he didn’t answer, she was going to confiscate his headphones for a month.

“Hello?”

“Nino! We need you to find Marinette and get her butt out here,” Rena hissed into the phone while Chat Noir and Queen Bee gave this villain the run around.

“Okay, I’m on it!” Nino said, hanging up and grabbing his hat from his desk.

The bakery was only a couple blocks from his house, and he hit the ground running as he started up the street. Fortunately, due to the akuma attack, most people were indoors, leaving the streets relatively empty, and within minutes, Nino rounded the corner to the bakery only to find a big white sign in the door.

“Family emergency. Gone to the hospital. Will resume normal business hours after noon,” Nino read, leaning his head back with a groan before dashing off again.

He really needed to exercise more, and as he crossed a deserted intersection, he really wished he’d brought his bike. Still, he slowed only briefly to catch his breath before continuing on toward the glass building a few blocks ahead.

“I need…talk…Dupain-Cheng…please,” He panted when he arrived at the receptionist’s counter.

“Are you okay, sir?” The woman cocked a brow while he rested his hands on his knees and wheezed.

“Running…can’t…breathe…need to see…Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“O-kay, well, she just got out of surgery a little while ago, so you can go on up to see her in room 1127,” She read off the screen, and Nino clutched his side, offering a tiny wave as he stumbled over to the elevator.

“Oh! Hi, Nino,” Mrs. Cheng greeted when the doors opened. “Are you here to see Marinette?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“That’s so sweet of you. I’ve got to step out for a minute, but Tom is there. Down the hall to the left.” She pointed, and Nino set off before she could finish. “I warn you, she’s pretty drugged up!”

“Ah, Nino!” Mr. Dupain’s eyebrows raised when he entered, and Nino glanced at Marinette lying in the bed with droopy eyes. “What brings you by?”

“I, uh, saw your sign at the bakery, and I…was worried, so I came,” He lied, glancing between the two as Marinette offered him a half-hearted wave.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about now. Just her appendix, and it’s all taken care of now. She’ll be back to normal in a few days.” They didn’t have a few days. Paris needed Ladybug _now._

“Uh, do you need to get back to the bakery? I can sit with her until Mrs. Cheng gets back,” Nino offered, phone buzzing in his pocket as if to remind him of the urgency of the situation.

“That’s very sweet of you, Nino. She’s just gone to the pharmacy to pick up some pain killers for Marinette and should be right back,” Tom said, patting his shoulder appreciatively.

“Uh, no problem, dude.” He finger-gunned as Tom shifted passed him out the door, and as soon as he was out of ear-shot, Nino lunged for the bed. “Mari, please tell me you can transform.”

“Your mom can transform,” She giggled drunkenly, head rolling to one side.

“Marinette, this is _serious_!” Nino whispered urgently. “There’s an akuma, and they need Ladybug to purify it.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so,” She rolled her eyes and kicked off her sheets. “Let’s go- woo!” Her legs wobbled as she stood up, and Nino caught her before she could hit the floor. “Take me to the akuma!”

“Oh god, you’re high as a kite,” Nino groaned, rolling her back onto the bed and retrieving his phone from his pocket.

“Where are you?” Rena demanded. “Did you find Marinette?”

“Yeah-”

“Well, get her over here!”

“Well-”

“What?” Rena snapped, and Nino heard Chat Noir’s shouts in the background.

“She kind of just had her appendix out, and now she’s drunk off her ass on anesthesia,” Nino said, and as if to prove his point, Marinette spread her arms out with a giggle.

“I didn’t know you could fly,” She slurred.

“What should I do?” He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t know, but do something. Fast!” Rena hung up with a click, and Nino stared at the phone in his hand with a panicked wince for a moment before shoving it back in his pocket.

“Mari, I need you to wake up. Paris needs you,” He said, slapping her cheeks gently.

“Paris needs _you_.” She poked his nose.

“Marinette, we don’t have time for- what are you doing?” He stopped short as she clumsily ripped her earrings out and shoved them into his hands.

“You’re Ladybug,” She said with a thick slur in her tongue.

“No. Not funny. Put these back on.” Nino shook his head, but Marinette let out a whine when he attempted to push them back into her ears. “I can’t be Ladybug!”

“Why? You’d make a _great_ Ladybug!” She spread her arms out for emphasis.

“You think so?” He smiled, tapping his chin in thought. “No! No, you are _drunk_ , and I am not-” He stopped short, glancing down at the earrings in his hand. “Well, Paris _does_ need Ladybug, and you’re in no condition to fight…”

“Can we go ice skating?” She asked, and Nino slipped on the earrings.

“No, it’s June, but I’m gonna go fix this since you are so incapacitated, and when I get back, you’re taking these things back,” He said seriously.

“Okay.” Marinette nodded before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“Stay in bed, don’t stick a fork in an outlet, and…gah, just- _Stay!_ ” He pointed before rushing out of the room.

“Do you really think you can do this?” Tikki asked, peeking out from under his hat as he burst through the door to the stairs.

“I have no idea, but I know she can’t do it, so someone has to,” Nino said with a twinge of uncertainty. “I have to try.”

“That’s very heroic of you, Nino,” Tikki complimented.

“So, how does this work?” He asked, ducking between parked cars in the lot.

“You say ‘Spots on!’ to transform, and your superpower is lucky charm, but once you use it, you’ll only have five minutes before you change back to normal.”

“Okay. Got it.” Nino nodded. “Tikki, spots on!”

In a flash, Nino’s whole world lit up, and he felt a rush of new energy as he took in his new get-up. He stared at his reflection in the car window, tilting his head to get a full view of the mask covering his eyes. His glasses had disappeared, yet somehow his vision was better than it usually was with them on. This was certainly the trippiest thing he’d ever done, but he didn’t have time to admire himself.

“Alright, it’s just a yoyo, how hard can it be?” He wondered aloud, linking his finger through the loop and tossing it across the town. “Whoa, this thing really does go on forever.”

He felt the end tighten as it hooked around a chimney several kilometers away, and Nino tugged the slack, instantly finding himself flying across town at full speed. His cries echoed between buildings as he shot passed, eventually colliding with the very chimney the yoyo was looped around. Marinette made that seem a lot easier than it was, and Nino picked himself up, rubbing his nose sorely.

The bulk of the action, last time he checked, was near the Louvre, which he could just see from where he was. One toss of his yoyo, and he’d be there. This time, he braced himself for the rush that followed, finding it not so bad the second time, but he still landed rather ungracefully on the sidewalk, flipping over his feet and landing face-down as his yoyo came whizzing back.

“Oh, thank god you’re- What the hell are you doing?” Rena cocked a brow, extending a hand to help him up.

“I told you. She just had her appendix taken out, and someone has to purify the akuma,” He said pointedly, and Rena slapped her forehead with her palm, sighing in exasperation.

“Okay, whatever, let’s just get this over with fast. We’ve been stalling for like an hour,” She hissed, grabbing his wrist and tugging him along.

“Um, where the heck is Ladybug?” Queen Bee scoffed when they approached, cocking a hip to one side.

“In the hospital,” Rena answered, and Chat’s ears perked up.

“What?”

“She’s fine, bro. Her appendix ruptured, and she’s in recovery doped up on painkillers,” Nino waved it away, but Chat still wore a pout.

“Let’s get this over with quick, and we can all go visit her,” Rena said, twirling her flute around. “Summon your lucky charm, and let’s get this guy.”

“Right,” Nino nodded, palming the yoyo purposefully before stopping short and glancing between his comrades nervously. “Do I have to do the pose?”

They all stared at him with unamused frowns before Queen Bee finally stepped forward. “That’s it. Give me the earrings. I’ll be Ladybug.”

“No! She picked me, so I’ll do it. Just…don’t watch,” He grumbled, ensuring that they were all faced away before he tossed the yoyo into the air. “Lucky charm!”

Nino watched with eager anticipation as an object manifested in the air above him, but his face quickly fell when a banana landed in his hands. He stared at it for a moment as if to confirm that Tikki had actually given him a banana to solve this situation, and once he had affirmed that, yes, she had indeed done that, he pursed his lips grumpily.

“Queen Bee, I take it back, you can be Ladybug,” He said, and she perked up excitedly only to be shot down again by Chat Noir.

“No way. Ladybug comes up with solutions all the time with way weirder stuff, so just look around and maybe you’ll figure it out,” He ordered before leaping off to join Rena fighting off Janitor’s cleaning supplies.

Nino glanced between the object and the akuma with a pensive frown. How did Marinette do this all the time? How was he supposed to stop a villain with a banana? When this was all over, he was going to have a stern talking to with Tikki, but right now, he needed to figure something out.

“Uh, hey, Janitor! Need some…potassium?” His voice rose an octave in uncertainty at the end, and the villain spared him a look for two seconds before turning back to the others.

“ _That’s_ your plan?” Bee scoffed mockingly, and Nino felt his cheeks flush.

“It’s a _banana_! What am I supposed to do with it? I don’t see you guys coming up with any ideas!” He shot back, and Chat Noir’s staff began to ring.

“Hello?” Chat answered, leaping out of the fray. “Aww, Bugaboo, are you okay? I heard you’re in the hospital. Wait, what?” He pressed a finger over his ear to drown out the noise then shot a glance at Nino. “She wants to talk to you.”

Nino took the staff and pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Throw the banana peel in front of him,” She instructed, and Nino cocked a brow.

“How do you even-”

“TV,” She cut him off, and he glanced up to see the news station’s helicopter overhead.

“Okay, but this isn’t Mario Kart, M.”

“Throw the banana peel in front of him!” She repeated more emphatically.

“Okay, fine!” He shouted, hanging up and tossing Chat his staff. He supposed he didn’t have much to lose, so without a second thought, he peeled the fruit and tossed the banana peel right in Janitor’s path.

“Seriously? This isn’t Mario Kar-” Rena started, but when Janitor’s foot met the peel, he slipped forward, tossing his mop into the air as he fell backward. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Nino launched forward, catching the mop out of the air and snapping it over his knee, freeing the black butterfly from inside. He smiled triumphantly at it as it fluttered above head before realization hit him.

“Oh shit, I have to capture it,” He gasped, fumbling for his yoyo. “Tikki, activate the purification thingy, uh, the butterfly catching software, shit!”

“Lovebug,” Chat cooed into the phone. “How does he catch the akuma?” He listened for a second, nodding at appropriate intervals before placing a hand over the receiver. “Swipe your finger through the middle.”

Nino cocked a brow, and Chat shrugged in response, so Nino did as instructed. The top half opened to reveal a glowing center, and Nino launched it into the air, snagging the akuma in its wake before the cord snapped back into his hands. Pressing the center spot, the casing opened again to release the purified butterfly back into the air where it fluttered off harmlessly.

“Holy shit, I did it,” He said with a sigh of relief, falling backward onto the pavement and spreading his limbs out. “Oh my god, I never want to do this again.”

“Good job, Beetlebug, now let’s get out of here before we change back, mmkay?” Rena said, lifting him to his feet and wrapping an arm around his waist. “Let’s go visit Mari. She’s on her way home from the hospital.”

“Good, I can give her the earrings back.”

When they arrived at the Dupain-Cheng household, Marinette was curled up comfortably on the couch sipping tea. She glanced up with a hazy smile, accepting a quick kiss from Adrien as the others settled in.

“How ya feeling, Mari?” Alya asked, taking up residence on her other side and rubbing her shoulder.

“A little sore and a lot tired,” She said, taking another sip of tea before leaning forward carefully to set it on the coffee table. “How was the battle?”

“Terrible, I never want to fight another akuma again,” Nino said, holding out his fist to return those cursed earrings to their rightful owner, but Mr. Dupain came through the front door before he could drop them in Marinette’s palm.

“Hey, kids!” He greeted. “How are you doing, sweetie? Need anything?”

“Can you pour me some more tea?” She asked sweetly, and Tom retrieved the pot from the stove and topped her off cheerfully.

“Now, don’t get your hopes up. Marinette had a major surgery and needs to recover. The doctor said no strenuous activity for a week until her incision heals up, so don’t expect her to go anywhere for a while,” Tom said, giving them all stern looks.

“A week?” Nino’s eyebrows raised, and he shot Marinette a disapproving frown.

“Yep. I’ve gotta get back downstairs, but holler if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Papa,” Marinette called as the door shut behind him, and she glanced up at Nino with a mischievous grin. “Looks like you get to be Ladybug for another week, Nino.”

“No. No, I will absolutely not- No!”

“Oh, c’mon, Nino. Haven’t you ever wanted to be a superhero?” Chloe asked, waggling her eyebrows.

“When I was like seven!”

“Livin’ the dream, dude!” Adrien said with a laugh, and Nino face-palmed.

“How can you guys be so supportive of this? Marinette made this decision when she was high on medication!” Nino said with a hint of hysteria.

“Yeah, I’m a genius,” She giggled, leaning against Adrien’s shoulder. “You make a great Ladybug, Nino.”

“I’m not doing it,” He said firmly.

“Dude, c’mon. She had surgery,” Alya said scoldingly.

“Yeah, and we’ll totally help you out,” Chloe offered, and Nino crossed his arms over his chest grumpily.

“Okay, fine,” He grumbled.

“Yay!” His friends cheered in unison as he slipped the earrings back in.

“But I’m not happy about this, and the second the doctor says you’re clear, you’re taking back these earrings.” He gave Marinette a serious look, and she chuckled.

“Yes, sir, Beetlebug.” She saluted.

“Don’t call me that.”

“No, I think it fits,” Adrien insisted with a laugh.

“It does not!” Nino groaned.

“Beetlebug! Beetlebug!”

Nino sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as they continued to chant. He really needed better friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is late, but I got really extra with this one, so I’m hoping to play catch-up the next couple days. Hopefully you enjoyed this!  
> I originally had this idea pegged for a future chapter of LC, but it’s super cracky, and I just couldn’t resist. Nino is so done with all of his superhero bffs. And in case you didn’t catch on, this is post-reveal between all of them, so they all know each other’s identities. Except for Marinette’s parents who don’t know. See you all soon with more Crackmas!   
> Be sure to follow me on tumblr (purrincess-chat) and also go follow mlcrackmas as well and make some cracky stuff! I have invited you all to participate this round, so go for it!


End file.
